im always suspicious of anyone that finds me attractive
i probably still have a crush on danny phantom somewhere deep in my soul
if i was your boyfriend i would do so much cute stuff. i’d bring you soup when you were feeling sick, i’d rub your tummy when you got cramps, i’d wake you up in the middle of the night dressed as an eagle shouting abstract poetry at my own dick
i like that we say “oh, man” to express disappointment
because men are disappointing
“blow minds not dicks”
imma blow his mind with how good i blow his dick
do you ever listen to your favourite band and think
"I love this band a lot"
*me at starbucks*
starbucks worker: what size do you want?
me: ariana grande
everyone says they want a fairytale wedding but when i show up and curse their firstborn suddenly i’m the jerk
how dare you not notice me while i ignore you
i can’t hang out tomorrow i’m too busy doing nothing alone sorry